Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Why My Husband Won't Let Me Have an IPhone

or a Droid or a Blackberry or absolutely any type of smartphone whatsoever....

Because he's an ass. That's why.

Maybe that is unfair. I mean, he is an ass (self-admittedly) but not letting me have a smartphone isn't reason alone for him to be called one. He has his reasons, and when I actually listen to them they are more logical than I care to admit.

Reason 1- I could become even more neglectful of my children and household duties than I already am. He's got me here. I spend way way way too much time on all things Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I even manage to Instagram using only my tablet. See! You don't have to have an IPhone to participate in that awesomeness. Unplugging oneself is good and necessary. He is terrified, quite rightly, that I would never ever unplug should I have all that power at my fingertips.

Reason 2- I would forget there was a real world and texting/FBing/tweeting and driving. Everywhere we go we see people buried in their phones. BURIED! We see them driving down the road. We see them eating out. We see them at the pool. The last concert we were at, more people were on their phones than watching the actual concert and it was Kings of Leon! What the hell people? Some people need to get their head out of their phone and enjoy what is actually happening, in real time, around them. Like now.  On this point, I have to disagree with him. I see these people and am aware of how ridiculous it is. I would not be one of those people. Unless I was at the DMV/doctor's office/hair salon/school pickup line. Those are my exceptions. I'm all about balance ya know.

Reason 3- The expense. Yes, the phone is a one time purchase (until one of your little darlings trashes it) but jacking up our already high cellular bill is not something he is willing to do. Evidently its not about whether or not we can afford it, but more about is the extra bill worth it. I say it is. He doesn't share my optimistic point of view.

Reason 4- Everyone has one. He does not keep up with the Joneses. At all. He despises excess and spoiled people. Ugh. Sucks for him cause he knew what he was getting when he married me, now he just gripes about me being spoiled. Sorry dude.

Why am I dying to have an Iphone? Besides me agreeing with Reason numero uno, I think they are quite handy little things to have. I am always needing a phone number, or to look something up, especially when I am out of town. I don't know how many times I have had to use 1411 or call my mom to have her look something up. Frustration! And am I not obsessed with taking pictures of my kids?!?!? Yep. It would be nice to have a high resolution camera on my phone in order to practice what everyone these days calls photographic art. Even though we all know its the funky filters making that Panera sandwich look all artsy and super swanky not you and your photographic skill.

You know we live in the middle of freakin nowhere right? Verizon is the only provider that services our area and when I heard that they had a compatible Iphone I was over the moon. Until the husband burst my bubble. He seems to forget that I have two businesses to run, three kids to corral, and some college classes to attend. I need an assistant. Preferably one that fits in my pocket and doesn't tattle on me.


  1. Hmmmm. I know people. They could make him change his mind:) Not too much breakage involved.

  2. I want an iPhone in the worst way...but am making-do with my Blackberry. I'm SO one of those people ALWAYS on the phone/internet. Have to keep up on the Twitter and Facebook. It's an obsession.


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