Ever been there?
No. Well if you have kids, don't worry. You'll get your chance.
On Saturday I drove 4 hours round trip to the nearest
Before we attended the party, I thought a visit to Target was in order. You know, just to ease my nerves in advance with a little retail therapy. I scored some nice stuff for the boys new room. I also scored some
Evidently I hadn't been watching the clock close enough because we were 30 minutes late to the party. It wouldn't have mattered if we had arrived an hour early though. The place was packed. I can't even express the sheer number of people crammed into this place. We parked nearly a block away, then proceeded to make our way loaded down with diaper bag, baby, present, bottled water, etc. etc. etc. Upon entrance through the gates of Hell, they stamp your hand and your spawn's with black light visible ink and coordinating numbers. You don't have names in Hell, you're just a number.
From there on out the recollections are kind of fuzzy. Too many people, too much body odor. I know the building was so over the fire marshall limit. Once the time for the birthday table ran out there was no where to sit. It was standing room only and they were still letting people through the turnstiles. I do remember that on the way back to the truck, as I was dragging Cashman by one hand and the Monster had the other side of him (he was hopped up on sugar and out of control) he started hollering, "Help! Help! Please help me!" Like he was being abducted. I could have died right there. But you know the worse part of the the whole afternoon? Chuck was out of beer.