Things Will Be Okay

I have some serious stuff floating around in my head lately.

I'm still dealing with death. It hits me at strange times.

I am now soley responsible for my kids education. That is a huge weight!

There is a family situation unfolding that is very serious and on my mind daily.

Yet for all the added noise I am noticing I am cheerful and calm. I am catching myself before I overreact (well, most of the time anyways). Warren and I are getting along wickedly well, although we have a few days out of the month where its better off that we don't talk. Doesn't everyone have those days?

I am immersed in schooling and housekeeping. Gladly getting out of bed each day to spend time with these small children. The oldest would correct me right now (as would the middle child) and point out that they are really not so small. But to me they are. We are learning this new daily norm together. Some days are terrific. Others not so much. Sugarbaby is learning to read and that right there is over the moon exciting to me. Even more so that I am the one teaching her. It's such a happy feeling!

But still I am serious.

Cash and I went on a hike with  the pups on last Saturday. He is the perfect hiking companion. Quiet and observing. He pauses only to look at something interesting. The dogs ran ahead while we walked along at our own pace. Slower than I would have liked to go, maybe a bit quicker than he would have liked to go. But it worked out for both of us.

It always does.

Missing Her

It's hard to wrap your mind around the loss of a loved one at any time.

It's especially hard to feel sorry for yourself when twenty families will be spending Christmas without their children.

I swore I wouldn't mention the tragedy anywhere online. I wouldn't mention it because that just adds to the chatter.

But I lost my grandma last Friday night. I am so so sad. I am so tired. She was one of my best friends.

The url to this website is Darling Companion instead of Sugar Britches. Two different pet names with a lot of significance. She called me both of those when I was a child.

I wrote this post a few years ago about her and my mother. It really is all I can say.

They Inspire Me

(This is where I come from.)

I am often overwhelmed by SUMS large extended family. He has aunts and uncles and cousins and second-cousins and third-cousins twice removed coming out his ass. Crude expression, but true. We can't go anywhere in the county without bumping into a relative or meeting someone and then low and behold they turn out to be a relative. This is at times confusing but at the same time wonderful. To share a lineage and be so spread out. You know one thing for sure that if you're a part of his clan, you'll never have an empty table at Thanksgiving.

Then you have my family. These two women above. My mother and grandmother. All I have in the world, except for this husband and these children we created. I wrote a post last year on Mother's Day especially for these incredible mothers of mine. It's one of my favorites and worth a read in my humble opinion.

Lately I've been thinking about inspiration. What inspires me? What causes me to act like I do, think the way I think? What inspires my taste in clothing, house decor, wine, beer, & paint colors? And the more I think about it the more the answer is right in front of me, or more or less behind me. I'm just standing somewhat luckily in a line of great taste and colorful personalities. I act like my grandmother, sarcastically joking and doling out discipline to get through the day. I think like both of them. The seriousness of my mother and the acceptance of my grandmother. My taste is so ingrained and so similar to my mother that we picked the same paint color for the boys room at separate times, independent of each other. I find nothing wrong with any of this. I look at these two and feel like I hit the genetic jackpot. I'm proud of them, even if that sounds a little backwards.

The other evening I was sitting on the back porch with J, sharing a bottle of wine and catching up. I had been talking about my running and then moved into being somewhat of a recluse (because I kind of am). She remarked that I was just like my mother. I grinned. I couldn't help it. That, to me, is the best compliment of all.

Monday

Sugarbaby's birthday celebration was sweet, simple, and just perfect for her. I'll make sure and get a few pictures up tomorrow.

Posting will still be light this week. I'm headed out of town Thursday and hopefully my adventures will yield some blog material. It's inevitable when Sugarbaby and I go on a roadtrip with Supergrandma all the way to GG's, things are bound to happen. Murphy's Law and all that.

I know a while back I mentioned a vlog with the answers to reader questions. I promise promise promise that this is coming next week. In the mean time feel free to submit more questions so I can actually make the vlog worth your time.

Also, note the snazzy new blog header. Thanks to my dearest Bloggy BFF, Michelle. Her tag line idea was brilliant and was inspired by the fact that I am on a constant diet and in order to track how many ounces (and calories) of wine I consume, I tend to drink my vino out of mason jars. She thinks that's funny.

Welcome new readers and thanks to old readers for sticking around.

Catching Up

I keep finding it necessary to remind myself that I didn't get down to 140lbs by eating brats, ice cream, pizza, and drinking beer. I'm mostly good but when I cheat, I cheat all the way. But only for a day which I suppose is a blessing instead of turning a cheat day into a weekend or a week or a month. But...I must quit this because I have a few actual legitimate excuses to cheat in the next three weeks and I just have have have to behave myself before then.

One is of course Sugarbaby's second birthday. Yay for cake pops, pinwheels, cupcakes, and fruit dip!

The other is a long weekend to see GG with Supergrandma and Sugarbaby. And what do we do when we go see GG? We eat. A lot. And drink. A lot more.

Can I get some motivation for my lovely readers? Please tell me to behave myself and not

ruin all this hard work I have done.

******

Today Cashman took a tumble at school and had to make a trip to the ER. He's fine, but entirely convinced that the x-ray machine gave him a new bone. He's silly and super cuddly and I love him so. I hate when my kids give me scares like that. Sort of like when someone (although I won't name names but you can be damn sure it wasn't me) lost the baby outside last night. While I ran from the highway to the storage buildings around the house in circles screaming her name and alternating with very bad words and generally freaking the eff out, she popped out of the doghouse laughing. She was hiding and thought it was funny her Daddy and I were suffering separate heart attacks. Not funny at all. Still not funny today. Probably won't ever be funny.

******

I logged just under 14.5 miles jogging last week. SUMS is making me say jogging because when he reads my Garmin data it shows that I am in the fast jog range nearly the entire time. Since I only dip into the slow run range every now and then he now refers to my jaunts as jogs and not runs. Tomaytoes, tomahtoes. Whatever. I'm trying to build up my endurance for longer runs and I've stepped up to 4 days a week instead of 3. I'm also pushing Sugarbaby in the jog stroller two of those days and that is a sure fire way to clock in at a slower pace. But I manage and I'm convinced it helps me burn extra calories, ya know adding 30lbs of resistance.

******

In other news we are getting a new family member. We finally broke down and picked out an Australian Shepherd puppy. That's the breed we are most fond of and what we should have gotten originally after our last Aussie died. But instead we had a rollercoaster ride with a few dogs and ended up with none. Our new Aussie is 4 weeks old and we are naming her Allie. Allie the Aussie. She comes home the day after Mother's Day.

Oh and for anyone who is interested, we ended up feeding the cat that I wished would go away. She is very sweet, and not too terribly old. Probably just under a year. The kids named her Carly. Carly the Cat. Anyone seeing a pattern here?

******

Laptop still down so posting will still be light. I'm sorry. It's the best I can do.

Run Fat Girl. Run.

Remember a while back I told you I was getting a neat little training gadget? It was an early birthday present from GG (FYI my b-day is on Thanksgiving this year yo! I'm a turkey baby!) and a real treat for a novice runner like me. See I rely on numbers to tell my my progress. I need the motivation of knowing I burned 300 calories or so on my morning run. I revel in finding out I've cut my pace by a minute. And truth be told I just love electronic gadgets.

This is my Garmin Forerunner 50 with Foot Pod. It's simple enough for a runner like me who only logs about 9 miles a week. But it keeps me motivated and hopefully that motivation will carry me through to more than just 9 miles a week. Thank you GG for my present! I am a spoiled spoiled granddaughter.

Since the weather is actually cooling off here in Arkansas and I don't want to give up running outside just yet, I got this Old Navy track jacket for $13. Booyah! It's light and made of moisture wicking material, so I can layer if I want and stay warm and dry.

For now that is. Because it is going to get nasty outside. We don't see much snow. More along the lines of sleet and ice storms. Which will make my runs not only uncomfortable but possibly treacherous as well. So I am contemplating the one thing I don't want to do. Join the gym. I'm not a fan of being around other people, especially while I'm sweating, but I don't want to quit when I've come so far. I just need to get over the fact and focus on myself and try not to be so self-conscious. I said I would try. I can't promise anything, so if you see me tossing around dirty looks at the gym don't take it personal. I'm such a bitch in public.

Hey It's That Vacation Post I'm Finally Getting Around To

Oh hey! We went on vacation. I'm sure ya'll knew that. Seeing as how I mentioned it and had myself a fabulous guest mom posting while I was gone. We've been home for well over a week and wow! i'm just now getting around to sharing our first family vacation details with you. Oh and Internetz? Thanks for not robbing us while we were gone!

On Sunday morning we loaded up and headed to Fayetteville where we scooped up the Monster from his first two week stay at his Dad's house. Grabbed some lunch and headed North. In the rain. The pouring rain. Actually I kind of like driving in the rain so it wasn't' so bad, since I drove the entire time. It's approximately a 7 hour trip from our house to GG's in Missouri. 7 hours in a car with three children ages 5 and under. Yippee!

Arriving at GG's was the best part of the day. Chinese takeout and beer made everything better. The kids played in her huge yard. The hubby and I chatted with her and everybody went to bed on time and with no fuss. Leg one of the journey down.

The next morning we took off for our vacation destination, Lake of the Ozarks. It was raining but we managed to squeeze in a Mexican food and margarita lunch, go carts, and a sweltering game of mini-golf. We then checked into our "resort" The Resort at Port Arrowhead, and hit the outdoor pool. Grabbed dinner that evening in the "resort's" restaurant and passed smooth out.

Day two started off with swimming in the indoor pool (ya know cause it was still raining!). Then came one of my favorite parts. The outlet mall. Hello Gap outlet. Hello Crocs outlet. Hello Bath & Body Works outlet. I scored some school clothes for the kids, the tiniest pair of pink Crocs for Sugarbaby, and smell goods for the hubby and me. That evening we decided to eat at a restaurant I had found via the Internetz, Jolly Rogers Grub and Grog. They boasted of a sandpit, treasure hunt, and fenced in play area for the youngins. Or adult drunk pirates! We procured directions and it took us no less than an hour of driving on twisty hilly roads to arrive. If you ever go there, go by boat!!!! The food was fabulous, our waiter was a sweetie, and the whole place was one of the coolest bar and grill's I've been in. We sat down on the deck by the water, fed the fish, and drank cold tap Blue Moon. My only complaint with the place was the owner. Dude was a jerk. You'd think he didn't want business with all the dirty looks he threw all over the place. I asked him the name of the African Grey parrot that was perched on a rail above the bar and lord you would have thought I grew a second head. Remember dude, the next time you're rude to a customer who just dropped $100 in your restaurant, she might just be a blogger that will share your poor attitude with her readers. Hmpf.

Day three we slept in and enjoyed a late buffet breakfast at the "resort's" restaurant. The rain was finally gone, even after a 2am call from the front desk advising us of a tornado warning. After that, the hubs and Sugarbaby went back to the room for a nap while I took the boys to the pool. They swam and then did crafts poolside with the sweetest girl from the "resort". She kept them entertained for quite awhile. Leaving me ample time to float in the pool enjoying frozen Kamikazes. Yum. Later in the afternoon we took a boat tour around the lake and learned that Lake of the Ozarks is the largest man made lake. It has more miles of shoreline than California or Florida. We saw several muli-million dollar homes on the shores, most for sale. The boys got to sit in the captain's chair and steer the boat. I have pics but they didn't turn out so well.

Daddy and Sugarbaby on the boat tour.

The boys enjoying the ride.

That evening we took advantage of the "resort's" in house babysitting. Patty came to our room around 7pm and watched the kids while we went out. I tell you, that place had some of the nicest employees. Hubs and I went to fancy schmancy restaurant called JJ Hooks. It had a 14 mile panoramic view of the lake from their back deck. We set in the shade, devoured $50 in oysters and drank more Blue Moon. A group of people came out and asked me if I would take their picture. No problem, we all know I like to take photos. After that our waiter informed me that the next round was on those nice folks. After our meal we had about a half hour to kill so we stopped at this little dive bar with live music. Two beers there and four songs later we came back to the room. Cashman and Sugarbaby were fast asleep, the Monster was almost there as well. Patty was an angel!

Our final day began with Starbucks and packing. We were out by 10am and stopped at a few tourist stores to stock up on t-shirts and souvenirs. We stopped in Springfield for lunch and then it was on to the Exotic Animal Paradise (now known as Safari Something Or Other). We spent 4 hours with the animals before taking off again.

This wildebeest came so close to me. He had the coolest eyes.

These tigers kind of freaked me out. They were all laying down by the water until hubby stuck his head out the sunroof to see better. Then the tiger charged the fence and roared. Scared the crap out of me. I felt bad for them. They seemed like very unhappy tigers.

Truthfully though, I felt worse for this rhino. This guy was a monster. I didn't realize they were so BIG! He was at the very back of his enclosure when we walked up, but slowly ambled up to us after we stood there a few minutes. He looked us over and then turned around and sauntered away. I have never been more glad for an electric fence.

We didn't get home until well after 11pm that night. The kids were asleep, the hubby and I were dead tired. But it was good. We felt great knowing we had survived our first family vacation. Confident we can do it again.

Mothers

I wanted to write the story of my mother. But when I started constructing it in my head I realized that it would take far too long and based on my scattered knowledge, wouldn't make much sense to anyone outside the family. She's complex, my mother. Her story is full of independence, restlessness, a great lost love, a long drawn out painful marriage, numerous missteps and triumphs. It is a great story, but an unfinished one. And without her permission and memories to pick from I'm afraid I couldn't do the telling of it justice.


The same goes for my grandmother, the matriarch of our small triangle. My mother, my grandmother, me. We are the only family I claim. The only family I really know. I broke the triangle, transformed it into a circle with the birth of Sugarbaby. Four women with the same middle name and the same hot-tempered bloodline. Each unique but each like the other.


I don't so much see myself as being like my mother. Physically there are a few resemblances. You can most certainly tell we are related. Our mannerisms and facial expressions are quite alike. Our voices, especially over the telephone, are a complete mimic of each other. But my mother embodies beauty, grace, and class. A knack for knowing just how to act in mixed company. There is a secrecy about my mother that keeps me at bay. Just beyond knowing her as well as I could, that is where I stand with her.


As for personality, I claim my grandmother. We two are comrades, confiding in each other and seeing one another reflected back. My grandmother was said to be mean, tough, and headstrong as a young woman. She had to be I suppose, raising three boys in her situation. And then my mother came along. And then I came along and somewhere in there she softened up. Just enough that I never knew that woman that they spoke of. But sometimes, I'll be talking to her on the phone and start getting onto the children and she remarks how much I sound just like her. And I take that as a compliment.


Sugarbaby is yet to be pinpointed. I assume, if history repeats and generations skip, she will act like my mother. I hope for her sake she has my mother's levelheadedness, her quick mind, her steadfastness to do what it takes to survive. I hope she has my grandmother's humor, her wit, her sarcasm, her strength that has carried her through all these years. I wish all these things for her and that she knows how amazing her grandmother and great-grandmother are and that she appreciates that she is here on this earth because of three women who are so much alike.

Happy Mother's Day.

Photography by Expressions.

Winding Down Just to Gear Up

Stage right into the boys bathroom. Scene: sopping wet dog, accompanied by laughing naked boy, water everywhere.

Cash: He got in the tub. He's a baaaaaad dog.

That pretty much sums up life with Bruno so far. He is sweet, cute and furry. He potties everywhere. I've successfully house trained two previous puppies without much problem. Bruno pees every 15 minutes like clockwork. (And there he goes again) This weekend will be spent constructing a pen for Bruno to give me a break and to transition him into spending his summer outdoors.

******

As the school year winds down I can feel increased pressure to get things done before summer vacation. I have yet to get the details of yes or no on a family lake vacation. I think it would be a blast, I think GG is all for it. I also think Supergrandma needs some convincing. I mean who wouldn't want to spend 4+ days with the SugarBritches family circus? C'mon.

Cashman is signed up for T-Ball and this I am really looking forward too. 10 three and four year olds chasing one ball in teeny tiny baseball shirts? I can't freakin wait. Plus it will tire him out and he needs all the help he can get in that department.

Also this week, the Monster helped me plant some bulbs in the front flowerbed and beside the shop. Cashman assisted with the tomato plants in the side flowerbed. We're foregoing a large garden this year until we see the damage the fire ants do and how far we can push them off our land. They are already rampant, even with the repeated treatments to the lawn by the hubby.

Always on my mind is my battle with weight. Just one more thing, one more pressure and expectation. I'm attempting to just eat better instead of burning out on some insane diet that I couldn't follow anyway. I found this neat little site called FitDay and I've been using its calorie counter and food journal. After just two days of tracking carbs, calories, and fat, I am appalled at what I eat. Just seeing the daily totals is enough to keep the junk out of my mouth.

******

And not to be forgotten...a weekly Sugarbaby photo who is turning one in a month and driving her momma absolutely crazy. Three kids, one dog (who isn't house trained), an overworked husband, and no prescription drugs. CRAAAZY.

(I used The Pioneer Woman's Actions Set 2 Seventies on this pic. Doesn't it look well...from the seventies?)

I'm A Dem

I want to be able to just casually say, "Yeah, I'm a Catholic-Democrat* so.......you know." After that an awkward silence would ensue and the person I was talking with would just sidle away.

Why do I want to be able to say that? I'm tired of just being a Democrat. I want a more officious title. Or I just live deep in the heart of Republican Baptist country and everywhere I turn someone is bashing Democrats. They don't go so far as to bash the Catholics but you know they're thinking it.


It's kind of exhausting living in such an excluded area where everyone shares the same religion and political affiliation. In our county, something like 200+ Obama yard signs were stolen during the campaign. I can't go to the local cafe without someone spouting off for the whole place to hear, that Obama is a terrorist. It's like people around here have Turret's but instead of cussing, its all lies about our president. I'm not so political or patriotic, but I can't help but be a little embarrassed for these people that they have no sense of how to act in public or how to support our elected President. I couldn't stand Bush, hated him with the heat of a thousand suns, but I would never be so crass as to talk about things I am not an expert on to people who don't want to hear it to begin with.


And this topic isn't along my usual lines of posting. I don't talk politics because my views differ from all my neighbors, my hubby's family, basically anyone I see in this hamlet we live in. I am respectful and listen and appreciate it when someone knows what they are talking about, and some of them do. But really, I think I need that extra little dose of religion to ostracize myself even further from the locals. I'm turning into a hermit and I kind of like it that way. A Democratic Catholic Hermit. I think I'll go to Mass on Sunday.



*Or would it be a Democratic Catholic? We'd have to consult GG on this one since she's got both those bases covered. I think? (You are Catholic right?)

It Could Have Been Worse

Today we went for our four generation photo shoot. Our photographer also happens to be my hubby's aunt and she is extremely talented, patient, and understanding. Clicking that link will show you just a few of our shots and jillions of others she has done for very pleased customers.

The morning started off a little rough with a tiff between the hubby and I, unexpected guests, a little girl's nap not going as scheduled, and wardrobe changes. Sugarbaby had not thrown up since the evening before and had kept down at least 4 bottles and a bowl of mush. Cashman had thrown up that morning, after I warned the hubby not to give him milk. He did and the kid threw up. Go figure.

We arrived at the studio with Sugarbaby decked out in the most adorable sweater dress, leggings, and t-strap shoes you ever did see. She was perfect. We got inside, got GG and Supergrandma positioned, settled Sugarbaby on Supergrandma's lap, put me in the back and waited for our professional to start clicking. Just as she got the lights adjusted and began to take aim, it happened. Projectile vomiting from Sugarbaby. All over her dress and Supergrandma's leg. I had no idea so much could come out of such a small person. The looks on our faces must have been priceless, and if only she had clicked the shutter at that moment, I would post the pic of the act as it was happening. It's Murphy's law you know. First a rescheduled session then a pukey baby. If it's gonna happen, it will happen to us.

But life goes on and so do photo shoots. Sugarbaby was cleaned, changed, and the pictures were taken. The End.