The holidays are over. I love them and look forward to them each and every year. This go round seemed calmer than normal. More laid back. I am grateful for that. We needed some relaxed family time before our lives were turned upside down. I'll fill you in on that cryptic sentence later. Nothing bad, I promise.
But in the meantime, I'm going to let you in on something...
Maybe not lost in a devastating can't find my way out of a dark dark hole lost. But lost nonetheless. For the first time in my life I feel like I am actively searching for something. Something I can't see, but I know its there. I can feel it. Elusive and staying just out of reach until I come to terms with things I've never considered.
I'll tell you another secret. I set my blog to private and wrote the post before this one. I intended to turn this blog I love so much into a private journal for my eyes only.
Why did I do that?
Simple. I was embarrassed. Embarrassed to admit to searching out faith and the good book as a solution to what I felt was missing. Right before the New Year I began reading the Bible. If you know me in real life you understand the absurdity of this statement. But I want you to understand that I was inspired by many women to do this. And I feel the need to share it. Not for some vain attempt at feedback about how noble it is to try and do better. Not because I expect karma to shine down on me because I blogged about joy or blessings. Just for the record. Because that's what my blog is and yours probably is too. A record of your life. Your journey. I needed to take a different path and I want proof and memories of when and why I stepped away from the one I was on.
What do I hope to get from this?
Just to name a few.
I also started regular yoga practice and I find the two go hand in hand quite nicely. This verse makes me happy, and yoga makes me happy.
Proverbs 3:13-18 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.
I just want to be a better mom. A better wife. The kind of person you want to be friends with.
I want to smile like this all the time. From the inside.
Want one more secret?
I made a chocolate cake today. And it was delicious.