They Are Much Cuter In Person

So I had this fancy schmancy bar graph all done up just to illustrate my point. But I couldn't transfer it over here so instead you'll just get to deal with my ramblings about how effed up school pictures are.

Both the boys came home with school picture order forms this week.

I vaguely remember my mother muttering under her breath about school pictures twice a year. Twice a year folks! Fall and Spring. Two chances each and every school year to swindle you out of your money. At least I think that is what she was muttering about. Either that or someone hadn't refilled the ice trays. Which I now understand is just as irritating as the school picture scam. Seriously. I didn't get it then....but boy do I now.

So as I was saying, both the boys came home with these forms. I sat down with my checkbook, pen in hand, and scanned the options. Holy freakin shit! You've got to be kidding me! You really get next to nothing for the major dough you're putting down for these school photos. And c'mon, let's admit it, what are school photos anyways? Thirty minutes out of your kid's day where he stands in line, then sits down, then has directions barked at him on how to put his arm just like this and wait, tilt your head this way, and then your chin this way, and he has no clue who this dude is behind the camera, and oh hey! say cheese little guy! He is nervous and sweaty and if he is anything like either of my children, he can't take a decent posed photo to save his life.

While I'm sitting there, contemplating selling a kidney to pay for the school portraits, it occurs to me that this whole deal of buying before you see them....sucks. Yeah. It sucks. When the Monster was in preschool, the small local photo gal gave us proofs and then let us pick the package we wanted. And you know what? Her pictures were awesome! Yeah I'm talking about you Holli! Since then I haven't had the choice of seeing what I'm paying for and its really starting to tick me off. Not only are they screwing us on the prices but they are also sticking it to us on the quality. And 16 wallets!!!! Who needs 16 wallets besides Middle School love birds and Seniors? Not me. Not my kids.

You know what I want? I want a photographer that takes a decent photo. That sends home a proof and then lets me pick and choose what I want in a package. I want someone that doesn't charge $18 for an 8X10. I want someone to respect me and the fact that I am getting roped into buying school pictures twice a year for 13 years and start adding multiple kids into the situation and that means I'll be buying 6 packages a year for 13 years and you know I never claimed to be so good with math but that equals a whole effen lot of school pictures. Half of which are going to suck. Oh lets be honest, probably more than half are going to suck. Because you know what....they're school pictures! If I want good pictures of my kids, I'll call Aunt Gayla, or take them myself.

Just stop it with the freakin school pictures. And while you're at it, don't make me sell wrapping paper, cookie dough, and overpriced candles. The only thing I'm cool with is the Scholastic book forms. Those you can keep sending home. Everything else....I'm boycotting.