The phone rang at 8:45am this morning.
The voice on the other end said, "Hello. Mrs. Sugarbritches?"
"This is Ms. So and So at the school. The Monster says he doesn't feel well. Would you like to speak to him?"
"Yes I would."
The Monster, "Mom, I don't feel very well. My head and tummy hurt very badly. I feel like I'm going to throw up."
"Do you have a fever?"
"No, Ms. So and So said I don't"
"Have you puked?"
"But I bet you want me to come and get you right?"
"Yes. Because they hurt badly. Very badly."
"You know if you come home you have to lie on the couch or in your bed ALL day, because that is what sick people do, right?"
"Okay. I'll be there in a minute."
So I called the Hubby because Sugarbaby had just fallen asleep and there was no way I was waking up that child to pick up another child who I suspected was not sick at all. The Hubby went and swooped up the Monster and deposited him at the door of a not so happy mama. The kid didn't look a bit sick. I even detected the trace of a grin on his conniving little face as he kicked off his boots and surveyed his toys. That is until mama laid the sick kid smackdown on him.
"So you're sick huh?"
"Alright. Put on some PJ's and get in bed."
"Because you're sick and sick people need rest."
And this went on all day long. Him acting completely well and me insisting he was sick and must rest. He wanted sandwiches for lunch and I told him oh no! Sick people eat chicken noodle soup. I was almost beside myself with all the ways I found to make his skipped school day un-fun. Maybe he'll think twice the next time he calls me from the school nurse with a smile on his face.
I'm such a special mother.