Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hindsight is Really Just Foresight. Reversed.

When I was 20 years old I got pregnant. It wasn't expected and I was upset. I had a good job, a fast car, a rental house filled with wine bottles. I wasn't ready for a baby. But, the ex and I made the best of it for a whole year, and then we divorced. It was mutual at the time. Despite the friendly relationship we have 5 years later, things weren't so simple right after our split.

We fought, screamed, argued in front of our infant son. We told lies to each other and about each other to other people. We found others as well. Good others. And after several months, we reached common ground. We wanted what was best for our son and we wanted each other to be happy with those others we found. His being his wife. Mine being my husband.

I'd be lying now if I didn't say that there were times when I wanted him dead or at least harmed badly. At the time he had the power to make me so angry I shook and he took advantage of it every chance he got. But gradually he lost that power and we became friends. There were also times that I wished I had never married him. But then I think about it in hindsight and realize that isn't true. Had I never married the ex, I wouldn't have the Monster. That in itself is enough to make me do it all over again. Had I never married the ex, I wouldn't have been in the position I was to meet the Hubby. Resulting in my two other darling babies, Cashman and Sugarbaby.

Lots of things happened because I got pregnant, married a man, had a baby, and got a divorce. Lots of good things. Lots of life altering, heart wrenching, time stopping, never look back things. Maybe I knew what I was doing the whole time. Or maybe my mother did. On the day of my wedding to the ex, she told me that it wasn't too late to back out. Because she knew that in a very short time I would be a single mother. I told her that I knew that too, but this was the right thing to do at the time. I was right, but so was she.


  1. I am a very firm believer that every thing happens for a reason. I might not like my ex at all, but if it wasn't for being married to him and having a horrible marriage, Hubby and I would never have gotten to be as close as we were which resulted in marriage and 2 beautiful children!!

  2. Excellent post. Very timely. Thanks!

    oh, and I love, love, LOVE the blue circles & the new style!

  3. Great post! I went through exactly the same thing (well, with different people). Funny you end up being grateful for the things you once hated the most, but it's true.

  4. I think that looking at the relationship that you share with the ex now can give people hope that YES you can raise your children in a civil atmosphere. Even if you guys have issues from time to time you still do an amazing job with monster. And if you hadnt gotten divorced we wouldnt get to eat cake tonight HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY SUGARBABY!!!!! BRING ON THE PARTY

  5. So wonderful that you have no regrets! The world would be a more peaceful place if everyone had that outlook. Thanks for commenting on my blog and checking it out :)

  6. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

  7. Loved this post and I'm so happy I found your blog!!! Can't wait to read more!

  8. Shauna- I agree. He does have a plan for us right?

    Cindy-I hope everything is okay. Thanks for the compliment. I worked and paid for it, it was much needed though.

    Susan- That's interesting. I think it makes us very unique people to have been divorced but still be friends and create a big blended family. Good perspective!

    Jodi- Thanks girl! I can always count on your 2 cents.

    Ashley- I agree. Things aren't really so bad and people just need to realize that.

    TOM- Me too!

    Jonnie- Hiya girl! Thanks much.


Now play nice and for every comment you leave, I'll buy you a pony.