The Halloween That Almost Isn't

Today is the grand finale to Red Ribbon Week at the Monster's elementary school. The kids have worn team jerseys, had crazy hair, sported camo and school colors. Yesterday they marched through downtown carrying their drug free posters and chanting like a damn protest rally. God forbid anyone had been smoking a cigarette, they would have beheaded them.

So today being Friday and Halloween the theme was dress as your favorite character from a book. They couldn't come right out and tell them to wear their costumes because remember folks, we are in the bible belt, we do live in a hamlet of less than 500, and Halloween IS a pagan holiday. The Monster planned on being Spiderman. At his superhero obsessed age we can't convince him to be anything original. So I agreed, Spiderman is a comic book character so I suppose that would fly.

We got up this morning, trying our best to make it through breakfast and our before school routine in a timely manner. Well guess who had an attitude. Yeah, Spiderman. He couldn't eat his breakfast, he didn't want to get dressed, he forgot how to put his shoes on. Various warnings were issued to the nature of, "If you don't get your hiney in gear, the Spiderman costume stays home." More grumbling, more whining, more general bad attitude. I was this close to making him wear normal clothes to school. But, I felt bad. I knew he really wanted to dress up today, so I ignored his grumpiness and got him suited up.

Then the real argument began.

"I don't want to wear a shirt!"

"You have too, what if you need to take your costume off at some point?"

"I am never taking it off!"

"What about when you need to pee? It doesn't exactly have that convenient hole like your underwear."

"I won't pee all day."

"Whatever, you'll just have to ask your teacher for help."

"No, I just won't pee."

"Seriously dude, whatever."

"My shoes look stupid. I'm not wearing shoes."

"Oh yes you are. Put them on now."

"They look dumb. I hate my shoes. I look silly. I don't want to wear this stupid costume anyways."

So off come the costume because my nerves were shot and he was acting ten kinds of ungrateful. I still felt bad, although I'm not sure why, but I took the costume with us to school in some hopes he would straighten up. We pull up at school. I see very few book characters masquerading as children running around. A princess here, a zombie there. I did see the twins dressed up as Thing 1 and Thing 2. That was a good one. The Monster looked around and noticed that not that many kids were dressed up, I asked him if he wanted to put on the suit or take it with him. He turned around and gave me that look. You know the one he isn't supposed to have mastered until he is at least 14? And off he went. All I can say is he better shape up before tonight or else I'm calling off Halloween.