"I'm a good person. I've never committed any major sins. I try hard to do unto others. Surely, despite my not being Baptized I won't go to Hell. If there is a God and He is as loving as they say, He wouldn't deny me entrance to Heaven just because another human didn't dunk me in a tub of water at some point in my life while telling me my sins were forgiven."
Yes, I was completely comfortable going the rest of my life in this state. Or so I thought I was. There were times that I questioned how sound my reasoning was. No doubt my husband was worried about the fate of my soul. Somehow or other, he didn't realize I had not been baptized until a few years into our marriage. I can look back on it now and laugh because that man had an absolute freak out! You would have thought I told him that I enjoyed killing puppies. Several times over the years after that he would mention that he wished I would go through the experience. He promised it would change me in ways I couldn't imagine. That the Holy Spirit would come down and I would feel it. I always blew it off, making some anti-religious joke to hide my true feelings on the subject. Because when it came right down to it, I just wished that it had happened when I was a child. In my mind an adult going through baptism (especially in front of a whole congregation) was just embarrassing.
Coming up on Easter, we are attending Mass regularly, I am deep in RCIA, and the kids are getting their weekly dose at our Parish Religious Education classes every Sunday. I know that baptism will be a part of my becoming fully catechized in the Catholic church. And at this point, I am looking forward to it. I've learned so much. I've grown in my faith. I no longer feel ashamed about what I perceive about myself and not being Christian. There is no lingering anxiety about proclaiming my belief in our Lord, and his Son, and the Holy Spirit in front of our parish.
The beautiful thing about coming into the Church as a family, is that the kids will be baptized alongside me. And that is exactly what happened on March 26, 2016. At Easter Vigil (the longest Mass of the year I believe) all four of us were baptized into the Catholic Church using our given names and our chosen saint names. With our godparents beside us making their promise to be our spiritual guides.
Cleansed of our sins. Taking our place in His house. Choosing to accept His will. Reborn and ever so thankful for the gift given to us by Jesus.
Saint Monica, Saint Michael, Saint Peter, and Saint Cecilia.
It's an experience that I can't write about right now. The night is much to personal, each of us having our own reaction that we were reluctant to even share with each other. But there was joy, and tears, and a knowing deep down that all will be well from this point forward.
What I'm quickly learning is that your life is not about you. It is about Him. And He is all about us. So in the end it all comes back around. Loving Him. Loving others. It's not enough to just be the best person you can be. We need His help. With Him we can come to a place on this Earth and eventually in Heaven that we probably could never dream of. Better safe than sorry. Better to give than to take. Better to walk than to talk. Better to be the prayer and not the pray-er.
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