I Am Here

I often feel that life would be grand if there were just more of me. I mean, my family and close friends who know me well would probably disagree, but I think it would work out fine. Because if that were the case, at least one of me could stay home all the time.

This life we’ve chosen, the direction we are headed, the slow road we are rambling down; they are all conducive to my personality. By that I mean to say, I’m a much happier, calmer mama when I’m not being rushed to do anything or go anywhere. Truly an introvert, yes I am.

Now don’t misunderstand…we get out. We do things. And some seasons of the year we are going and doing more evenings out of the week than not. Right now happens to be one of those slow times, with very few commitments to the outside world. I love these times. I have absolutely nothing on my schedule today besides learning with my children, feeding my animals, and the daily grind of housework. Which means I can fit in some knitting and reading and whatever else my mind can come up with.

Those times of the year that are busy? When we have 4 soccer practices plus two games a week? Piano practice another night and a weekly homeschool group meetup? Most of the time I manage okay, but some days its just too much. I wither. Then I explode. I blow up from the stress of not being able to be home when that’s all I desperately want to do.

It’s taken me thirty years to accept that this is my nature. I put myself out there for many years. In the classrooms, at all the activities, PTO meetings. I coached soccer, sold tickets, planned holiday parties, organized volunteers, overbought gifts during that season, and on and on and on. And you know what? I was on the verge of a breakdown the whole time. It was just not me.

It’s cool that I would rather hang out with my kids than anyone else. I’m fine with the fact that I find more entertainment in knitting and reading than television. I’m proud of the hard work my husband does. And I sure do enjoy his homebrew over any store bought beer. I’ve got my little piece of paradise and I am staying put.