I came to realization last night (after a bottle of wine) that I go thru alcoholic phases.
Warren and I decided this and in our drunkeness we thought we were brilliant. Thus I woke up to a piece of paper scrawled with Crayola Marker proclaiming "alcoholic phases." Meaning this. I tend to go through periods in my life where I am a heavy drinker. Like bottle of wine nightly or at least a half. Six pack of good craft beer on the weeknight evenings and eight to twelve beers on the weekends. This has affected my physical health negatively and my mental health positively. God knows I am a much more tolerable person after a few drinks.
Does alcoholism run in my family?
Why yes....yes it does.
Do I want to realize this?
Hell no I do not! Especially as I drink from the glass in my hand at this very moment.
But the good thing about this are the phases. So after a while I will realize what I am doing and back off. I've been on a good jagger for about a year now and am thinking its time to hang up the bottle. Actually I am eagerly looking forward to some sobriety and good health. I always have good health during my sober phases. I either incubate babies or cultivate a rocking ass body. Since I have been all lax with the exercise and eating and I can no longer make the babies I get to go back to a rocking ass body.
Is this a bit ironic after posting an ode to wine?
Why yes, yes it is.
Do I care?
Not one bit.
I am on my last bottle for a while. One day at a time. I will give it a day, then a week, then maybe a month and see where I stand. I have important things to do that require a clear head.
But first, excuse me so I can finish off this Riesling.
Damn it. I forgot about that bottle of Sailor Jerry's in the pantry. We'll revisit this idea again in a month.
Being through everything I have with my own alcohol discovery, and being where I am currently (no longer in active recovery, no longer drinking amounts I was not comfortable with), I sum it up like this (in my mind).
ReplyDeleteNormal drinkers don't think about alcohol in the way you do or I do/did. Does that make us alcoholics? No. Does that make us problem drinkers? Maybe. But that isn't for someone or some quiz or some support group to tell us. It's just an individual and personal thing.
I quit drinking for three months and those were three of the healthiest months of my life, and from what you've written here you totally agree. I'm at the point of understanding it's all about balance. If my drinking affects other areas of my life then I have to take a step back and figure things out.