My little step-brother just called me. It's his week at his Dad's and my Mom's house. And of course he has homework.
He's a good kid. Handsome and kind, with the beginning of a hint of a dry sense of humor. Which he needs in order to survive in our family.
He'll turn 13 next week.
When he called I was taken off guard because he immediately said he had a few questions about abstinence. I offered him a babysitting gig and told him that spending some quality alone time with his niece and nephews should answer any questions about whether or not abstinence is a good choice.
But he stopped me and explained that it was an assignment for a class and he needed help answering the questions.
And so it began.
I was drilled with sex-ed questions by a not yet 13 year old. BOY! Thirteen year old BOY!
"If a teenage couple uses a condom can they still get pregnant?"
"If a condom slips off and breaks is there a risk of pregnancy or contracting a STD?"
"Can some types of STD be transmitted through skin to skin contact?"
Those were just a few of the questions. I alternated between turning forty-eleven shades of red and laughing hysterically like a hyena. I kept accusing my mother of putting him up to this and demanding to know if I was on speakerphone. He swore up and down he wasn't messing with me and really needed help because our parents had told him they were tired of answering questions about sex and to just call me.
Yeah. Cause I'm the poster child for abstinence.
His last question was a fill in the blank list. List three things that changes for a teenage couple who get pregnant.
My answers: 1. You have a baby.
2. You have a baby.
3. You have a baby.
Those weren't good enough for him so I had to come up with: You're broke. You don't have a life. You have no friends. You have a baby.
I'm just going to stop answering my phone.