Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dear Fellow Parent Driving Big Red Truck,

I thought I might make a suggestion as to the parking job you do on a daily basis at pick up time.

In the mornings I don't give you a second's thought, because blissfully, I am able to take advantage of the wonderful car door opener ladies in the drop off line. This enables me to unload my children without leaving the comfort and warmth of my truck and my cup of coffee. And also, I don't have to put on a bra. That is a major advantage to said drop off line.

But, seeing as how I have a pre-schooler, I can't take advantage of the pick up line in the afternoons. I actually have to park, unload my 17 month old daughter, and walk into the school, sign my life away, retrieve my sons, and walk back to the car. Truly this doesn't bother me. By that time I'm awake, I've usually put on all my undergarments, and if you're lucky I've managed a shower. I enjoy talking with my son's teachers should I see them as I'm waiting for the bell to ring. I even like to park at the end of the lot and haul Sugarbaby those extra steps just to fit in a little bit more exercise in my day. But enough about me, this letter is about you.

You obviously don't see the advantage in parking in the back of the lot and walking a bit. Actually, you don't even seem to know what parking is. See, everyday you pull your giant truck up to the very front of the school and park right in the middle of the lane. So if one is unlucky enough to have parked in that row, when they try to leave, they have to squeeze by your big truck. I had to do this one day and nearly took off the bumper of your big truck. That would have been a shame.

I've noticed that on occasion, other people have parked in such a manner. But that doesn't seem to deter you in the least. You just pull in right beside them, completely blocking the lane where not even a Mini-Cooper could fit behind you. I'm wondering if you missed the day in Driver's Ed where they explained that all those white intersecting lines on the blacktop outside of a building are spaces where you park a car. Or maybe you're just that inconsiderate as to block the flow of traffic at an elementary school at pick up time. All I know is I'm tired of it.

But whatever. I've learned that if I park on the very last row I won't get blocked in by your big truck and made to wait while you retrieve your kid. You blocked me in twice and after that I got smart. Block me once, block me twice, the third time I'm telling the cops. I'm not exactly sure that it is illegal to not use the parking spaces in a parking lot but I'm thinking of just filing it under Public Nuisance.

Yours Truly,


  1. That person's evil twins must live over here: what is it with people, they stop in the middle of the road and just get out. I hate inconsiderate driving.

    I went ahead and said something to one woman, pointing out how difficult she'd made it for everyone else in the parking lot. She 'explained' that she found it difficult to park her big SUV in the small parking spaces. Mine was bigger! I told her if she couldn't drive a big car, get a little one, and then she started giving me hell. Pfffft. They're everywhere!

  2. Okay, this post cracked me up!! I can't stand when people park/drive ridiculously. Especially when someone decides to pull out (without looking, of course!) right in front of me so I then have to SLAM on the brakes to avoid collision...Isn't life wonderful?

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving me a comment! =)

  3. I'm mean enough I would report him/her at the front office of the school. Or next time they block you in go ahead and take off the bumper then leave a note asking them to park like a normal human being.

  4. If it's causing troubles for you it's probably causing troubles for others as well. Be a hero and call the cops next time.

  5. I have it on authority people in
    big, red trucks drive like the sun rises and sets out of their butts.

    (I'm totally allowed to say this because whatever-you-want-to-call-him/significant other drives a very obnoxious one)

  6. So I thought the idiot in blue was going to put a stip to this. So if he doesnt Ill ride to school with you and I can bet you Ill get her to move and she wont do it again. LOL trust me im a superhero when it comes to skanks in this town lol

  7. Get some of those asshole cards that you stick on a windshield saying you'd need an effing can opener to get out of this spot thanks to their fucktard parking job. Maybe they'll get the hint?
    Also, can I swear on your blog?
    Also, Also, people are assclowns.

  8. I can't stand when people do that. Like I have nothing better to do than wait on you to finish your stuff.


Now play nice and for every comment you leave, I'll buy you a pony.